Disorder in the court

hilarious!

 

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you sh#tting me?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising
law.

Proud grandparents

Taken yesterday.
>
>

Christmas pics

British ? WTF ?

Spotted at Woolworths, Redfern, Sydney.

Wars have been fought over less.  They have gotta be kidding !  It's an iconic South African sausage.  Someone take this to the WTO before there is a serious diplomatic incident :()..... and by the way it's spelt "boerewors" ....

Response from Cape Town (Kaapstad):

“Take a community of Dutchmen of the type of those who defended
themselves for fifty years against all the power of Spain at a time
when Spain was the greatest power in the world.

Intermix with them a strain of those inflexible French Huguenots who
gave up home and fortune and left their country for ever at the time
of the revocation of the Edict of Nantes. The product must obviously
be one of the most rugged, virile, unconquerable races ever seen upon
earth.

Take this formidable people and train them for seven generations in
constant warfare against savage men and ferocious beasts, in
circumstances under which no weakling could survive, place them so
that they acquire exceptional skill with weapons and in horsemanship,
give them a country which is eminently suited to the tactics of the
huntsman, the marksman, and the rider.

Then, finally, put a finer temper upon their military qualities by a
dour fatalistic Old Testament religion and an ardent and consuming
patriotism. Combine all these qualities and all these impulses in one
individual, and you have the modern Boer - the most formidable
antagonist who ever crossed the path of Imperial Britain."

Postscript   31 AUGUST 2011 :

“ENGLISH” SAUSAGE, CALLED “BOERWORS?”  (in Sydney, nogal!)

Hulle wil net nie leer nie ! They name one end of Anfield “The Kop”, in memory of the (brave) men who died @ Spioenkop, now they try this not-so-subtle approach at reviving the Boerwars?

Aan daai Rooinekke in julle eie taal : “Be warned, very warned – Bakkies knows your number in the scrum and Bismarck knows where you live !”

Ons vat nie k*k van kabouters nie en, weer in julle “Ingels”, when you feel the pressure in the rear of the scrum, know that the “Boerwors” is coming through !

C.C. Schalk – if/when you “bump” into Toby (pretty name) or Johnny, please instruct them in the correct use of the term “Boerewors” in a formidable fashion….Dankie/Thank you.    

these Lady Gaga peeps

made me want to go home and get my wig :)  little monsters :()

spotted at The Marble Bar, Hilton Sydney.

Birthday drinks

Just had to share this on the blog: modelling my new gear - we inadvertently stumbled into a Lady Gaga pre-concert function - we were under-dressed, and I obviously needed a blue wig :()

William James Simon

Born today 3.444 kgs

stuffit design shop

Visit the stuffit design shop kiosk here

Double Mustard Beef

A recent cullinary creation:

1. slow-cooked silverside beef with tomato marinade served cold

2. on multi-grain toast

3. with double mustard - French dijon and then wholegrain mustard seed, taste to suit.

A great winter-warmer :)

Lamb Shanks for Dinner

Cooked for Madame by Garcon.

Happy Easter

they met in secret to plan their Easter getaway ......

Cafe convalescence

Easter Bunny

Arriving early in Redfern Park home of the Rabbitohs

Annie Leibovitz

Great exhibition - worth a look.

180 degrees Sydney

About the only benefit of being in the holding pattern for the airport.  Shooting into the sun was tough.  My little Fuji pix was working overtime.

MOM'S FRANGIPANI

From my brother
MOM'S C.T. FRANGIPANI 1 11 FEB 11
Grown from an offcut of the original in Mowbray Street, it's always at it's best here around the time of Mom's Birthday. Thought it apt to take a pic tonight on the 3rd anniversary of Mom's passing away.
Regards/Love

A happy anniversary

Jazushi Restaurant, Surry Hills

Holiday Nostalgia

May 2010

social networks manager

Source: Dilbert

I love this !

--
The Shoppologist
Sydney, Australia

Mob: +61420974655
Blog: http://shoppologist.blogspot.com
Twitter: @shoppologist

watch this - A One Minute History of Mankind

Source: PSFK

Honk If You're Human is a new stop-motion animation made by Sean Pecknold for BBC Knowledge. Shot entirely in-camera and in a sequence from beginning to end, the animation creatively summarizes the history of mankind in a one minute clip. 

Watch video here:

http://player.vimeo.com/video/14604363